The Feedback Failure: Why Being "Nice" is Sabotaging Your Leadership
Let’s play a quick game of “Leadership Truth or Dare.”
The Truth: You saw a team member (or a peer) drop the ball last week. Maybe they missed a deadline, sent a sloppy email to a client, or steamrolled someone in a meeting.
The Dare: Did you tell them?
If you’re like 80% of High-Potential leaders (HIPOs), you probably didn’t. You probably fixed the error yourself, vented to your partner at dinner, or convinced yourself that “it wasn’t a big deal this time.”
We call this The Feedback Failure.
And while it feels like you’re being “nice” or “keeping the peace,” you’re actually doing something dangerous: You are hoarding the data they need to grow.
The "Nice" Trap
HIPOs are usually high achievers who crave approval. You want to be liked. You want to be the person who “just gets it done” without drama.
But here is the hard reality of executive leadership: Conflict is not a sign of dysfunction. Silence is.
When you avoid a difficult conversation, you aren't saving the relationship; you are engaging in Artificial Harmony. You are trading short-term comfort for long-term mediocrity.
The HIPO Mindset: "I don't want to hurt their feelings."
The Executive Mindset: "I care about their growth too much to let them fail."
The Mindset Shift: From "Conflict" to "Acceleration"
We need to rebrand "feedback."
Stop thinking of it as a fight, a reprimand, or a "hard conversation." Start thinking of it as Acceleration.
Imagine you are in the passenger seat of a car, and the driver is about to miss their exit. Do you stay silent because you don't want to be "rude"? No! You say, "Hey, turn here!"
You aren't criticizing their driving; you are accelerating their arrival at the destination.
Feedback is just GPS for performance.
The Framework: How to Give "Acceleration" Feedback
Ready to stop being "nice" and start being effective? Use this 3-step framework to turn conflict into growth.
1. Check Your Motive (The Pause)
Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: “Am I saying this to vent my frustration, or to help them improve?”
Vent: "You are so disorganized." (Attack)
Help: "We need a new system to catch these errors." (Support)
2. The Data, Not the Drama
HIPOs often soften the blow with fluff ("You're doing great, but..."), or they get emotional. Cut the drama. Stick to the Data.
Instead of: "You were kind of rude in that meeting."
Say: "In the meeting, you interrupted Sarah three times while she was presenting the data."
3. The Future Focus
Don't dwell on the mistake. Pivot immediately to the future.
Say: "The impact was that the team shut down. Next time, I need you to hold your questions until the end so we get the full picture. Can we align on that?"
The Script (Copy/Paste This)
Still sweating? Here is a "fill-in-the-blank" script to help you enter the danger zone with confidence:
"Hey [Name], I want to share an observation with you because I know you care about [Shared Goal/Project Success].
I noticed that [Specific Behavior/Data Point].
The impact of that was [Specific Consequence].
Moving forward, let’s try [Alternative Action] so we can [Benefit]. What are your thoughts?"
Stop Hoarding the Truth
Your team doesn't need a best friend. They need a leader.
Every time you choose silence over candor, you are robbing someone of the chance to get better. You are choosing your own comfort over their potential.
Choose to Lead. Give the feedback. Even if your voice shakes.
Struggling to navigate these conversations in real-time? You don’t have to guess. I work with High-Potential leaders 1:1 to master the scripts, the tone, and the confidence needed to drive results. Let’s turn your conflict avoidance into executive presence. Schedule a Complimentary Strategy Call
